Interviewing Younger

I didn't get the teaching job I'd interviewed for (although I was selected to participate in a few rounds...eventually beaten out by a young, good looking guy). I'm a little bummed, because the teaching job would've helped...

So today, I was browsing through emails when I happened upon some SPAM from a job hunting service. The title of the SPAM was, "interviewing younger". Intrigued, I clicked through to read the article, only to find that if I wanted to read the article I had to log into the site.

Disgusted..I thought...Hey! I can write an article about interviewing younger. Heck, it's very apparent that in order to get-a-job-after-40, one needs to pretend to be a whole lot younger. Here are my tips...

1) Upon entering the room to meet the Hiring Manager, do the hand bump. You know, the one President Barak Obama does...the fist bump, or whatever it's called. It's annoying, it's childish, it's irritating...and it's what the twenty somethings do upon meeting. Suck it up, ball up that fist, paste on a childish smirk and go for it. You'll look like a little, immature kid. And the Hiring Manager will forget that you are approaching fifty.

2) Before the interview, when you've heard you've been selected...Twitter it to all your friends and colleagues. Preferable in a half-assed, grammatically incorrect manner...sort of like this.."hey buds, got th Apple intrvw. Hope th interviewer s smokin".

3) And don't forget to include a posting to Facebook, Digg, and all those other social networking groups. "Hey Buds, I gotta interview. U know im stoked!"

4) Onto your appearance. Try to get a few piercings and tattoos. You'll be outed as an 'old f****r" if you don't have at least one tattoo. And, if you live in California, include a tattoo of a teardrop or something that says, "Norte" or numbers. That way you'll fit right in with the diverse group of 20 somethings running the show. Don't cut your hair. If you are a female, buy breast implants or a push up bra. Include fishnet stockings and don't think that just because you're a woman you shouldn't be tattooed for heaven's sake. You might think about tattooing paw prints on your boobies. That's very popular and will take a good twenty years off your age. A nose ring is also very nice. A hacked up haircut with a trendy vibrant dye job, will also highlight your youthfulness.

5) Clothing--nothing will scream "Old Fart" more than pantihose. Ditch it. And make sure your underwear is showing, somehow. If you couldn't afford a push up bra, don't wear one at all. Of course, being over the age of 40 may make this dangerous for those around you. But, what the heck, being slugged by a droopy, flailing boobie is what that 20 something interviewing you deserves. If it happens, bat your eyes and ask the interview to admire your new dog paw print tattoos. Never, ever, ever, wear a suit (kiss of death) and ...

6) Come riding into the interview on a skateboard. If this is not physically possible, a razor scooter might do.

7) Bring your cellphone and text during the interview. Blatantly. Obviously. Rudely.

8) Take a phone call in the middle of the interview. Say, "Oh, dude, I just gotta answer this. My buddy is taking me to Vegas and I gotta find out the dope."

9) Before starting the interview, launch into a litany of demands. "Oh, before we start, I gotta know, am I gonna get every Friday off? 'Cuz I gotta meet my friend at the mall and we always want to get a heads up on the sales you know".

10) Tell the Hiring Manager you don't need health benefits because you're always healthy.

11) Ask the Hiring Manager if she/he likes to party.

12) Light up a doobie outside the office, after your interview. Make sure to ask the receptionist for a light, so everyone knows you are doing it.

So, those are my 12 tips. Anyone have anymore?

Boxer Day Walk

A couple of friends of mine, along with me and my dogs, decided to go on a long walk today.

We walked the trail and throughout the neighborhood.

I was stunned by the amount of grafitti throughout my neighborhood.

Most of it was "Norte" tagging.

Also, there were running shoes thrown over telephone wires.

When I was a kid, growing up in this area, we never saw that kind of stuff around here.

In fact, it was only when my family drove into San Francisco that we saw any graffiti or running shoes.

Now, some friends tell me that shoes strung over telephone wires are signals to the druggies that someone is selling drugs nearby. And, word has it (second-hand, but still interesting), that certain drugs are denoted by the type of shoes. So, I'm curious. What do vans denote? What kind of drugs require Vans shoes strung over telephone wire.

On the other hand, the person who told me about this notification of drug sales was in her 70's and told me she heard about on some t.v. show. So, maybe it's not true. But, if that's the case, why do certain areas have these running shoe decorations and other's don't?

Christmas Baking

In honor of the holidays, I've started my baking today. (okay, really it was an attempt to delay any paying work).

I decided to make biscotti. I found this terrific recipe in the book, "Cookies To Die For!". Last month, I made the pistachio/cranberry biscotti that was so good...

So I decided to try the recipe again. But my Dad is allergic to nuts. So, pistachios were out.

What to do?

I decided to use orange flavored cranberries and squeeze a fresh lemon into the batter.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Celebrity Gossip

In an attempt to deflect my attention from my own family's issues, I prefer to scrutinize the lives of celebrities. Hell, it's entertaining, it makes me feel better about my own crappy problems and sometimes it's even a little humorous.

Take, for instance, Tiger Wood's recent follies. His sick, sullied personal life smells of a really bad "Girls Gone Wild" video that will be his own personal hell for a lifetime. I mean, what kind of person would want to have a family or even a relationship with him now? He's destined for the kind of woman who thinks dating, marrying or sleeping with a porn king is a whole lotta fun. And those women don't age well, my friend.

A friend emailed me this joke, "What is Tiger Woods new nickname?"
Answer: Cheetah

And now I find out that Susan Sarandon and Tom Robbins (Bull Durham) have split up. Apparently, it went down over the summer and they've been splitsville for quite awhile now.

Is true love forever a fantasy? I'm so disillusioned.

Milk

I tried to watch Milk, with Sean Penn.

Honest, I did.

I tried to overcome my distaste for Sean Penn. Honest, I did.

But Sean Penn played Harvey Milk's character as PeeWee Herman, with a New York accent, and a penchant for picking up vulnerable, homeless teen age boys.

I don't know who played Dan White. But he was portrayed as a developmentally challenged Republican with religious issues.

I could only watch about half of the movie, before I had to return it to the library.

Ick.

But I would recommend the movie, "P.S. I Love You". I had hesitated before watching it because I knew it would be sad. And it was. But it helped me overcome my prejudice against Irish guys. I had thought of them as misogynists, sexists, child stealers. With a gross kind of sexism that even surpassed that of American men. The character (Irish guy) in this movie was very real, likable, not at all sexist and seemed to actually like women. And Hilary Swank did a good job in this movie also. The characters seemed real. I guess I would kind of compare this movie to Jennifer Aniston's, "The Good Girl", in that it portrayed real characters living a real life. I could see this actually happening.

Privacy

So. I was watching a lot of tv this weekend.

And I noticed that the commercials were local--meaning that, although the shows were national (seen throughout the country)--they were targeted to me and my local area.

That scares me.

It means that technology is getting to the point that information about individual people is being used...so that you are targeted for certain commercials.

I don't like that.

I don't like the idea that some company/t.v. network will only show me what they think is relevant for me. I don't like the arrogance of a company/country/person who thinks they know more about me than me.

And, yes, I know my blog is on Google's blogsite. Ah, the irony. Anonymity is impossible.

Oh. Not. More. Tiger-Trash-Talk

I found this headline from the New York Daily Intel absolutely hilarious. "George Clooney May Have Had Sex With Someone Tiger Woods May Have Had Sex With." Oh, the story keeps getting grosser and grosser.

Apparently Tiger Woods and George Clooney may have something in common.

You know, 6 degrees of separation and all. But this is NO degrees of separation.

They seem to have slept with the same woman. I wonder if it was at the same time? Oh, wouldn't that be a story!

Mudbutt

Leelu has broken a month-long run of 'no-runs' in the house. Meaning, she hasn't pooped in the house, basically, since she first came here 9/3/09.

But wooo-did she make up for it today.

I never knew the meaning of mudbutt until I saw it with my own eyes. Runny, watery poo that sinks into the carpet in milli-seconds.

Luckily, I had some Nature's Miracle on hand. By I don't think it all came up. I can still smell it and I suspect that the beautiful rug in my dining room will have to be thrown out.

But she's looking at me with doe-eyes and all I can do is feel sorry for her with her nasty diarrehia.

I'm watching "Milk" tonight and I'll try to ignore the disgust that comes roiling up in my stomach whenever I see Sean Penn. He's so nasty, tramping about with ho's in jacuzzi's and attempting to deflect attention from his immoral and gross behavior with p.c. politiking. But he is a good actor. Just as Tiger Woods is a good athlete. So I'll watch his movie, but I find him a disgusting person.
Too bad some of Leelu's mudbutt doesn't fly his way.

HSN shopping

I used to love watching Suzanne Sommers on HSN t.v. Then she left.

Because I didn't have cable when she left, I didn't know she was at ShopNBC.com now, and -when I got cable again (basic cable and I'm still pissed that I am paying for t.v.)- I kept watching for her and never saw her.

Now, I've found Lauren Hutton and her over-40 makeup. Just ordered some from her, because I'm bleeding money right now.

Anyway, it's a hoot to watch her. She just described over-made up older women as "painted ho's".

Ahhh...the end has come...

...of my 'veggie' days.

I couldn't do it.

I tried. But, I hate, hate, hate processed food.

I have been eating more veggies though.

New Food, New Year, New Life

So, I'm almost through reading Alicia Silverstone's book, "The Kind Diet" and I went online and joined her website, The Kind Life.

I'm actually a quasi-vegetarian because I usually just have meatless meals. But, if a quasi-vegetarian is similar to a quasi-pregnant woman, I don't think I can call myself vegetarian unless I go all the way.

My thing is, I hate processed foods. I reviewed a book not too long ago, called "In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollen. And he made some really good arguments for not eating those twinkies. And I've gotta say, I've never liked processed foods. I think it's my English heritage. My mom used to always say, frying and saucing up foods was done by lower class people. She always boiled or baked the freshest food she could find. A small bit of salt and pepper were about all the 'flavoring' she'd do. And no one in my family (5 kids, 2 parents) has ever been fat or out of shape. Or had an eating disorder.

In any event, I don't really like to eat meat. For a whole lot of reasons. Morally, ethically, health-wise. But if given the choice between faux food (twinkies, prepackaged fake meats, soy this and preservatives, acids, formaldhyde) and meat, I guess I would have to eat the meat.

But now that I've read, "The Kind Diet", I think I have more options than that. And I'm going to make a commitment to eat whole, fresh foods and no meat.

Tick Tock...

The days are winding down, and I have a feeling my unemployment will soon be coming to an end.

I have a job interview on Monday...and I think things will pick up soon, especially in January.

My exchange student is moving on...and I'm really looking forward to it. I can get my house in order and not have to deal with a student schedule.

I would add that if you are thinking of taking an exchange student in, there are a few things to think of;

1) What is your budget? It does NOT pay to take in a student. You will lose money on all of the extra utilities (most are not ecologically/economically minded) as they will attempt to take showers two to three times a day, even when told not to do so. They will want to wash their 2 pairs of pants and one shirt every other day unless you put your foot down. Lights? They aren't going to turn them off. Heat? They want it running at 80 degrees day and night. Toilet paper and soap? They will go through it like there is no tomorrow. Now, my daughter was trained early. We would go camping and were very ecologically minded. She NEVER ran through supplies or utilities like this.

2) A student will come and go at all hours of the night. Good luck attempting to set a curfew. They will smile, agree, nod and then do as they please.

3) Phone calls. Ah, the phone calls. They go on until the sun rises. You can tell them no phone calls after 9:30 pm. They will smile and nod and agree. Then you will be awakened at 2 a.m. by a loud conversation. You will bang on their bedroom door and tell them to get off the phone. They will say "Okay, no problem." You will go back to bed and listen to them whisper in an attempt to continue the conversation. You will get up and bang on the door and ONCE again tell them to get off the phone. They will agree and may get off the phone that evening. But rest assured, you will participate in this drama regularly once or twice a week.

4) Food. Either they don't like what you cook and will attempt to manipulate you into making steak every night, or they will go out to eat every other night and NOT tell you. Since you are obligated to make them dinner, you will initially throw out a lot of food, until it pisses you off and you no longer cook ahead of time. And you only buy food that can be stored in the fridge (which they will assure you they will eat, until you throw it out 'cuz it's moldy).

5) You can attempt to show them how to clean the house. But most of them have never done it before, so don't count on any long term cleaning successes with them.

6) Driving. You will have to drive them around. Trust me. The hosting company will tell you that they have to use the bus. Ha ha ha. You will drive them to school and grocery store and friend's houses, initially. The student I have now is pretty good about using the bus and getting around on his own. That is unusual. And I currently have 2 bicycles permanently stationed outside my front door by this student. He never uses them and I've told them they most go when he does. He smiles and nods. I have the feeling he thinks the bicycles are going nowhere.

To be honest, it doesn't pay to take in a student and I'm not doing it again.

I'm really looking forward to enjoying the final weeks of unemployment in a drama-free house.