Blog of a Million Dreams

Friday, November 23, 2007

Full of Turkey...

So, I like to think that I've gained acceptance, these past 18 years, of my fate. I like to think that I've accepted, with grace and gratitude, that my life is, and will be, that of a single woman, with friends and an open social calendar. I like to think that my life is full and happy and a good one.

And then the holidays roll around.

And I'm reminded that, really, I am single and alone and living the full-on single life.

And instead of embracing the fact that I don't owe anyone anything, that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, I realize that *freedom*, for me, exists only during the holidays, when Big G goes off to visit the shitty half of her relatives (the ones that aren't around during the important times, the times of school conferences and homework and driving her to appointments, to doctor visits and dentists and performances and friend's birthdays, etc.,. but magically insist on their *rights* to see her during the holidays...those relatives).

My freedom only exists during the holidays, when everyone else gathers their relatives around, decorates their houses, networks and cooks and eats. A very, very lonely time for me but a time I'm supposed to embrace, to enjoy, to relish. Only I don't.

I go to the store and buy massive amounts of food for people who aren't around. And then I sometimes field phone calls from friends who feel sorry for me...from the comfortable but cold couch while watching all of my old tv shows. But usually I just sit around and get angry.

Angry at the sometimes boyfriend who really doesn't want a serious relationship but only makes that abundantly clear during the holidays. Angry at the kid who blows me off during the holidays, only to reappear on occasion to ream me out for not spending money I don't have on her. Angry at the relatives who have chosen to blow me off every holiday.

And really, really angry at all those people who tell me how lucky I am that I don't have a house full of relatives, an obligation to attend family events, a kitchen full of leftovers.

Thanksgiving blows. Maybe next year I'll feel more grateful.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Eat, Pray, Love

So. In the midst of a weekend fest of procrastination, I put off any idea of working on actual work and, instead, bought the book, "Eat, Pray, Love". I'm only halfway through, in the middle of India right now. So, all I can review is the part of the trip that Elizabeth Gilbert was on in Italy.

Must. Go. To. Italy. Okay, so forget about going to Paris or France to stuff my face. Clearly, Italy is the place to go. And the history! If you've every learned of or taught 6th grade World History (The Romans, in particular), Rome is the place to be. And who could argue with Gilbert's plans to just eat, visit historical remnants, reminisce about past love affairs and spend the day being self-indulgent.

I want to go to Italy. To shop. To eat. To look at man-candy. And to be purely and utterly completely self absorbed, if only for a month. Although Gilbert went for a couple of months, I think I could be satisfied with a month of "me-time".

Now, I've finished her chapter(s) on Italy and am now in India, where Gilbert has a 'guru' and is trying to become spiritually self aware. I can understand how this could be eye-opening and transcendental for a somewhat self absorbed New Englander. But I'm a Californian. This smacks of a shady, Gimme-Your-Money-While-I-Make-You-Feel-Important, New-Age Fad. I'm in tune with my spirit, my God, myself, thank-you-very-much. I've had my fill of hippy-dippy, let's-express-our-feelings, lovey-dovey, hare krishna folk. And I don't know that someone dictating their religion, thoughts, meditation onto me is very welcome. So we'll see. I haven't finished this part of the book, but I'm feeling a little squeamish.

Anyhoo, I'm making sure to banish any potential for boredoom, by transitioning from this book to the "Brazen Careerist" - yet another East Coast book....and, yes, this author is a might self-important. She underestimates West Coast Intelligence and is very pompous. Other than that, the book is interesting and makes some valid points.

To make sure that I am absolutely NOT bored with any of these 2 books, I'm also toggling between the books and HGTV. I want to move to other parts of the country now and buy some property. HGTV makes buying property look fun!

So, yeah, that's my weekend in a nutshell. Back to reading, watching tv and eating. And, no, I do not have ADD.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Red Wine

How many darling kiddos came to my door for Halloween? In their cute costumes, admiring my decorations (a lighted ghost, flickering pumpkin and 2 scary signs)....

you got it...


No kids, not even my neighbor's kids, came to my door.

So, I spent Halloween eating all of the candy that I bought for the kids who never came to my door.

Have you ever had a snickers dinner? Well, I have. And it's delicious, if a little lonely.

Next year I'm going to supplement my snickers dinner with a bottle of red wine.

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