Blog of a Million Dreams

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sex and the City Review

What I loved about the Sex and the City t.v. series was how real the show was...the stuff that happened to Carrie and Miranda and Sam and Charlotte--well, that stuff happens to women all the time. And the angst and fun and worries and love of fashion that we all have, they have to.

And the movie is just the same. A snapshot of what real life is like for rich, white, single American women who live in a large, cosmopolitan city.

The movie is just a snapshot of what these women would be like in their 40's or 50's.

But what I found to be disconcerting was the fact that throughout the movie I was looking over the heads of a couple (man and woman) with grey hair, who looked to be in their 70's or 80's. That was a little weird. Although not as weird as if a few preteens were watching it.

The other thing that I found a little off was the half empty theater. Apparently no one goes to movies anymore...unless they are on a date. And I went on a Saturday morning. But I figured, since the movie was just opening, that it might be a little crowded. So I actually showed up early. To a half empty theater. That never filled up.

The other interesting facet of this movie was that the clothes were overshadowed by architecture. I'm talking penthouse apartment, gorgeous hardwood floors, the-most-beautiful-closet-I've-ever-seen, glass french door, atrium, BEAUTIFUL apartment. Yeah. I'd give up 1/2 my shoes and most of my clothes for that apartment. Without a 2nd thought.

And I never thought Sam would be the most boring character--but she kinda was. And Charlotte actually showed some brains--which was odd because she really is a dingbat. Carrie was her usual wishy-washy, will-she-or-won't-she, angst filled writer. And Miranda was a typical ass-wipe lawyer, busy trying to ascertain blame for problems SHE caused.

Would I go see it again? Probably not in the theater. But I'd rent in again and watch it at home. And I would definitely recommend others should go see it. But don't make your husband, boy friend, man friend go see it. That is cruel and unusual punishment.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Sleep and Stress

I know I'm under a lot of stress right now because it's my day off and all I did today was sleep and shop. And when I say sleep and shop I mean that literally. The whole day.

Lately I've been having nightmares again too. Usually that happens to me when there are big changes on the horizons.

On Friday I woke up at 4 a.m. with my heart racing.

I dreamed that I was at my parent's house and one of my students was standing outside the gate. Only he wasn't a real student. He was a crazy person dressed as a student and he was stalking me. You know in the movies, when there's a robot or crazy person chasing someone? And no one is around? It was like that. It was dead silent outside. No birds, no cars, just absolute silence. I was scared out of my mind.

So, in my dream, I ran into my parents' house and called the cops. And realized I was trapped.

That's when I woke up. Scared. Shaking. Completely awake and unable to sleep.

So today, I woke up, drove Big G to her event, shopped and shopped (when I should've been saving and saving), then drove home and slept ALL day. That hard, totally exhausted sleep.

And when I woke up I started rehashing the whole job scene. Not good.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


I've just figured out why my job search isn't "flowing" for lack of a better word.

I've been only concentrating on an online search.

Which really means, pure and total laziness.

I don't want to network. I don't want to go to meetings, introduce myself.

I've been just answering job ads online. And not even following up with them.


So I guess this means I need to wake up. Come up with a marketing plan and do some legwork.


Tuesday, May 20, 2008

House Reno

We've been working on the house, retiling the kitchen, putting in cabinets, laying down hardwood...and everything is still just semi-done.

I ran out of money.

Now, you might think that since we were doing it ourselves, that wouldn't matter.


I don't have a tile cutting saw, so can't cut tile for the kitchen counters. I don't know how to fix the p-trap under the new bathroom sink, so there's no bathroom sink. And the heaters still aren't connected to the walls.

And, despite my hours, days spent on layers of paint, the paint is streaky on the ceiling (so needs another coat), not finished in the bathroom and not finished on the walls.

And, since the downstairs is starting to look better, the carpet upstairs and on the stairs (that is a good 10 years old) is starting to look really bad.

But I don't want to spend my days on Home Renovation this summer--I don't have the energy, interest, money or time.

Yet, I have the creeping feeling that is exactly what I'm going to be doing.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Tired Feet

My feet are so tired. Teaching wears me out, especially when I'm standing on my feet all day. The kids were especially obnoxious today, as they don't want to be in that they have finished testing, they think the school year is over. It's not.

Yesterday I went to Santana Row, and there was a huge sale going on at the Taryn Rose Shoe store.

I've always dreamed of having a pair of Taryn Rose shoes. They are created by Taryn Rose, this Orthopedic surgeon. She designs shoes that support your feet. They have high arches and are orthopedic, but extremely fashionable. I saw Taryn Rose on the Oprah show, years ago.

Anyway, the shoes were all 30% off. I was just going to look. Then I saw a pair of black, patent leather, sandal wedges. They looked so cute on.

The saleswoman mentioned that the flat version of the shoe was just as cute.

She showed me.

Now I own 2 pairs of Taryn Rose shoes. It only cost me $333.61.

I love my shoes.

Saturday, May 17, 2008


Last night, ditched by Big G, and with nothing on television that I wanted to see, I got a call from a friend, let's call her Carrie.

"Cece, I'm having free psychic readings, come on by, " she said.

So I did.

Okay, I'm not one of those people who really believes that pyschic readings are for real. And I'm past the age where telling me my future will have a HUGE impact on me ('cuz my future has kinda already happened in a lot of ways). I mean, realistically, how many more children can I physically have? And, relationship-wise, I've already had a somewhat long one so I don't have this overwhelming need to FIND SOMEONE and SETTLE down. I mean, I've already settled down with myself (!) and the idea of freedom from someone else's expectations and control is pretty darn appealing.

But it was Friday night, I didn't have plans and a pyschic reading (free!) sounded fun.

So I went.

First I went into this waiting room, where one woman was behind the desk, sort of as a receptionist but I could tell she kind of ran the show. Especially when I started asking her questions and she seemed 1) knowledgeable about the group, 2) knew what all the art hanging on the wall was and which 'pyschic student' created which piece of art and 3) could describe the different branches of the organization and what students from the "L.A." branch where like.

When I first walked in, there was another woman scarfing down her dinner. It was 9 p.m. and I couldn't figure out if she was one of the psychics or there for a free reading like me. There was another woman in the back room, but she closed the door when I came in.

The woman behind the desk told me about the organization, had me write down three questions and told me about Chakra's (some sort of number, logical, thing) and Auras. Apparently, they were going to read my Aura, but not my Chakra this time.

So I hung out for a little bit while they got ready, just looking around the room and asking the woman behind the desk questions about her group...and the different pieces of art in the room.

Then they called me into the small room for my reading. There were 2 women - one of them was the woman who had been in the waiting room earlier. They both were in chairs next to each other, facing an empty chair. They told me to sit in an empty chair, facing them, with my feet flat on the floor and my hands facing up on my knees. So I did.

Then they told me their names. Now, since I've decided to go all Alias on this website, I really don't think it's fair if I write down 'real' names for the people I'm posting about. 'Cuz, if I'm not willing to 'out myself', I shouldn't be willing to 'out' others. So I'm making up names. Let's say they were "Tan-Tan" and "Karen".

Tan-Tan was an older (50 to 60 year old) woman, in a dress. She looked like she could've had grandchildren, was sort of non-descript in a nerdy, but comfortable way.

Karen looked kind of nerdy also. She was probably in her late 40's, early 50's. They both were in somewhat worn clothes that had seen their day, and they both looked a little bit tired. Karen had brown hair and blue eyes, Tan-Tan was an Asian lady--probably Chinese-American.

Karen said she was the lead or something and Tan-Tan would start by reading my Rose and past lives. I didn't know what a Rose was, but I said, "Okay, sure."

Well, apparently a Rose is your spiritual life and it symbolizes how many lives you've been reincarnated as. I've been reincarnated a lot. Which is a good thing, because that meant they had something to talk about.

So, the stem on my Rose went down into the ground and way, way up to the sky. Tan-Tan decided that my most recent past life was that of a very pretty, but overweight lady. She said that I was so beautiful that I didn't have a lot of friends and I compensated for that by eating a lot and I was very lonely because people were afraid to get close to me. She said, in this life, I still try to play down my appearance to make friends but I don't do that by overeating, like I did in my past life, but by not accentuating how I look. Apparently, I don't try to look nice, because I'm afraid that if I do, I'll lose friends.

I knew I should've put on makeup before I went to visit the pyschics!

The next past life she wanted to talk about was that of a very intelligent, male doctor. I was brilliant in this past life, saving lots of people's lives. But I put everyone first, and I didn't focus on my health or needs. Then, when I became sick, I couldn't heal myself and that's how I died. And she said in this life I need to focus on taking care of myself because I still don't put myself first. That sounded good.

Anyway, after that they decided that they would channel my aura. And Karen would be doing that.

So, she said on top of my head was a white and yellow light with white wings. She also said that I have a lot of spiritual helpers. Then she said my aura was a nice medium blue and surrounding that was white and yellow. She said freedom was really important to me and that I needed lightness. Then she said she could see a dark purple aura invading my space. She said that aura represented a past relationship, a male. Karen said that the male was not always forthcoming with me about his intentions. That he withholds a lot of his intentions, because if I knew what he was intending, I might not do what he wanted. She said he was kind of manipulating. And that I was trying to get away from that aura, but that the best way I could resolve it would be to be true to myself and decide what I want, and not let him determine what would be.

Then Carrie, my friend who called me about the pyschic reading, came in the room with some other guy (call him David). Carrie sat next to the two other women (so that there were 3 people in chairs facing me) and David stood behind them. David kind of waved his arms and closed his eyes and leaned up against the wall. I think he was tired and probably his feet hurt. He didn't really seem into all this, except for the occasional waving arm.

They asked me what questions they had and I asked them about the purple aura dude and Karen told me that it was a past relationship and as long as I would decide what I want, the relationship would be resolved and I would be happy. Then I asked about my career. Karen and Carrie both said I was going to stay where in the career I'm in (bummer!) but that my next job would be 'rounder'. Karen said that in the future, she sees me having big changes in relationships and family, career will have smaller changes.

So, for my final question, I asked about having another kid. Apparently, on the Rose that they drew or channeled for me, there were 3 leaves on the stem, representing 3 children. I've already had Big G, so that leaves me with the opportunity to have 2 more. Karen said that she sees me very happy and joyous, if I have another child, and that I have agreed to have another child for a spirit and we're both really happy about it. But that it will be a distraction if I have antoher child, so it's my decision, and I'm not bound to have this other child. I have to decide.

Then David interrupted to say that the reading was over. Carrie laughed and said he wanted to go home.

So, she walked me out and I thanked her for the reading. It really was fun, and a pleasant way to spend a Friday evening. I mean, who doesn't want to spend an hour talking about themselves with 3 perfect strangers and one friend?

But I really should make more of an effort to put on makeup.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Ramp It Up, Baby!

So, I've geared up my job search.

I came home today, threw on a casual clothes, watered the yard (it's soo hot) and sat down to my computer.

Okay, okay, I read two magazines first.

Okay, I blew off my Success Team Meeting. But I have a ton of work to do and the meetings always run way too long.

Okay, I watched a lot of t.v. too.

But, hey, I've applied to 6 jobs. I've written cover letters, sent resumes, transcripts, letters of rec...the whole bit.

I even applied for a summer position.

Now, if I can only find it in my heart to call back all of my friends who have been leaving messages for me. But I'm so stressed about work that all I want to do is apply for jobs.

I so hope that this job search pays off.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


So, I teach in a low income, low performing school-about 99% hispanic.

And, despite my nom de plume, I am not a true Santos or Garcia or anything else. In fact, my true last name is a lot closer to say, Smith or Jones.

Last week I met with a student's mom...let's call the student "Juan". Juan had been swearing in class, saying some pretty bad things.

Today in class I mentioned to Juan that I had met with his mother, and probably would again if he didn't stop swearing in class.

He told me that his mother mentioned to him that she had met with me also.

"Good!", I said. "I hope she explained to you that your language is socially unacceptable."

"Well," he replied, "She told me that you were the whitest person she'd ever met."

Monday, May 12, 2008

Movie Night

Just wanted to recommend two fantastic movies.

First one, Juno. Loved it!!! It completely lived up to it's fantastic reviews. Jennifer Garner rocks. And the 16 year old who played Juno was awesome. What I loved most about this movie was that it portrayed women at every stage of life. In other words, almost every woman watching this movie would find a character to identify with. And Jennifer Garner made her character, who easily could've been dislikable, appealing. The writing was well done. The movie did gloss over the 16 year old's loss, but, as she was only 16, I think it was a forgivable oversight because I think some 16 year old's probably wouldn't deal with the loss until they were a little older and truly realized what happened. I'd recommend this movie highly.

The next movie I want to recommend is The Big Bad Swim. It's not well known and I found it on Netflix. I really liked this movie. It was about a jock who has just aged away from fame (due to both age and injury) and a stripper-2o-something blonde and a divorcing teacher. The movie does a great job of showing their transitioning and their search for equilibrium after being thrown off course by life. And it really gives equal time to all three characters. It was a good movie. It reminded me a lot of The Good Girl (with Jennifer Aniston). It's a thinking movie and you have to appreciate the slower pace of a movie that is not a typical box office action flick.

So, I'm starting to make better use of Netflix. What a social life I have!

Searchin' for another one..

job, that is.

I haven't really railed against my recent boss. His exploits are pretty outrageous (like the boss I had in 2006 but worse). The 2006 boss was an anorexic transient from Florida via Nebraska who found herself in California and hated it. She was wacky as hell. Imagine an old college co-ed, unattractive, with an eating disorder, and ditzy as only someone with constant low blood sugar due to lack of eating can be. And before you think I'm some huge, jealous freak--let me tell you, I weigh 130 (5'7") and this woman was a good 5'2" and weighed about 50 pounds. She was insane.

The favorite story I have about her is one she told me about herself. Now, you'd think if this happened to you, you might be a little embarrassed about it and maybe you wouldn't repeat it. No, not Ditzy Gal! She regaled us with her stupidity. She said she drove to California from Florida with her U-haul. When she got here she realized she needed help unloading it. So, what would a normal person do? Probably get a few friends together for a pizza and beer moving party, right? Not Ditzy Gal!!! She pulls up to the Home Depot and yells out for half a dozen Illegal Aliens to hop in her truck and then takes them to her new apartment and pays them $80 to move her in. Oh. Big surprise. They stole all her stuff. And she ended the story of her stupidity by telling me that she even gave them a big tip, so she didn't understand why they ripped her off. And women from California get the ditzy stereotype...geez.

Now my most recent boss is a little more street savvy. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he was one of the guys from Home Depot who ripped off my previous boss. He's "thrown" us a Christmas party, only to have employees get there and be told that they need to set it up. Move tables around, purchase food, clean his house. Yeah. I'm not kidding. And all the "gifts" and 'goodies' that came out of the social budget for the party...that all went to his family. About 80 of his family members showed up for our company party. And one employee and his wife were told to wash dishes after the party was over!!!!!

So my new job search is on. I'm so tired of looking for work. At work today, one of the women that I work with mentioned to me that she wanted to recall the Equal Rights Movement. Mary*(name changed) mentioned that she wouldn't mind being barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen. Mary is around 40, like me, not meeting any men and wants to get married. So, yeah, she's sick of the lonely life and being the primary breadwinner for, it looks like, forever.

As for me, my hunt for new employment is on. I just hope that this hunt goes better than the other ones (a yearly tradition).