Blog of a Million Dreams

Friday, August 14, 2009

Job Search

...is not going well. In any event, and in honour of yesterday's phone call from a 'pretend' employer, I'm venting below.

Dear Hiring Manager (and posers),

I am tired of responding to ads for positions that you really don't want to fill. Or don't really have. You see, despite my being qualified for every, single degree, credential, skill or ability you have chosen to list I rarely hear back from any of you.

And when I do, it's usually a one-liner along the lines of..."we had so many qualified applicants and decided not to call you for an interview....thank you for applying.".

Although, this morning, I did have one lovely rejection email (a one-liner) that stated..."Thank you but you do not meet my client's qualifications." I guess I should be grateful that I even heard back. Clearly, however, the client had some qualifications in mind that weren't listed in the job posting, because I met all of them. I'm not wasting my time applying for those jobs I'm not qualified for. Perhaps I should've included a photo with my application or is there some other qualification that I'm not aware of? Perhaps that qualification should be included in the posting!

But the doozy of all doozies are the Pretend Employers who take up my time, energy and cell phone minutes with pretend job offers. You know who you are. Countrywide, Aegon, Farmer's Insurance...

Usually they have a phone number that looks out of area...and I'm thinking, "hmm, maybe this is a phone call from a job I applied to in another state or maybe it's Prince Charming calling to ask me to the ball..." so I answer, full of hope.

"Hello, I'm trying to reach Cecilia Santos, regarding her resume," a distinguished voice rumbles.

My adrenline increases...an actual voice! An actual person! Asking about me! About my resume! Maybe a job...

As the voice drones on, little information is given out. Instead, this person (Juan or David, sometimes it's a woman) compliments me about my resume.

"I found your resume on ...>Careerbuilder, Craigslist, Dice, you name it<...and you seem like you would be a good fit for a position that we have open. Are you available for an interview tomorrow?" Sounds too good to be true, right? Now, in the past I would've been all over this like jam on toast. BUT, having survived a layoff in '05, I now know that if the person on the phone doesn't immediatly tell you what company they represent, it usually isn't about a real job.

"What company are you calling from?" I now ask.

The usual response is, "Oh, we are a well known financial services company and we are actually experiencing growth and expanding right now. This is a great opporturnity and I have an opening to meet with you at either 2 or 4 tomorrow...what would be a good time for you?" Now the pretend employer is hoping that I've forgotten to ask about what company they represent.

So I persist, asking again what company they are from. And again, the attempt to distract..."We are actually hiring right now and, as I can see from your resume, based on your skills in......you'd be a great fit, so I have only 2 openings tomorrow, when can we schedule an interview?"

At this point, disgusted, I start to list companies, "Are you calling from AIG, Aegon, Farmers, Countrywide?"

Finally, a good 20 minutes into the conversation, and COSTING ME MONEY on my cell phone (no I don't have unlimited minutes I'm on a budget you moron), the caller (pretend employer) admits that they are looking for someone for a COMMISSION-ONLY position.

Guess what, a-hole...STOP calling me and trying to make money off my unfortunate job (or lack of) situation. I am looking for a job. I have experience. I have degrees, credentials and skills. I'm not working for free. I can do that for myself and get more done and reap all of the benefits myself.

So....I guess the main thing that I'm trying to say is this; HR people don't know how to hire qualified people and Pretend Employers are the scum of the earth. Stop posting positions without listing ALL of the qualifications you are looking for and stop calling me with pretend jobs.

Sincerely,

CeCe

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