Blog of a Million Dreams

Thursday, January 11, 2007

How to be Supportive

Question: Your Loved One (or a relation with whom you are still on speaking terms with) has just unexpectedly lost their job. How do you provide support and optimism in the face of their loss?

a) Scream at them that they haven't renewed their Costco membership for you and they owe you $68. 10 extra points if you call them twice, yelling about the same issue.

b) Go on a drinking binge and call them. Get really angry and mad when they can't stay on the line with you for a few hours while you are trying to talk. 20 extra points if you are so inebriated that you can't pronounce words.

c) Tell your Unemployed relative that you expect them to purchase you a state-of-the-art $600 gaming system with $40 games (at least 3-4 games must be purchased in addition to the $600 gaming system). Tell your Unemployed Relation (U.R.) that they are cheap and horrible if they don't pony up the money right away. Revisit this issue at least 5 times a day until you get your system--even if the U.R. has to put the system on their credit card.

d) Immediately move out of the country so that you don't have to deal with the U.R.'s problems. Call them and yell at them if they don't have a job right away. Then tell the U.R. to start a consulting business because obviously the U.R. isn't cut out to hold a job. Finally, inform the U.R. that you won't be coming back for 6 months--but that you expect the U.R. to remain faithful and patient.

e) Refuse to return phone calls or emails from the U.R. Wait until the U.R. has a job to resume speaking terms. If you are forced to see or speak to the U.R., keep conversation to a minimum and leave as soon as possible.

Yes, being unemployed is so much fun...Maybe I'll be the one to throw in the towel and move to a desert island somewhere--that doesn't have cell coverage.


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